The Role of Caring Adults

By Paul J. Ashton, Psy.D., D.Min. 

Consultant to the VIRTUS® Programs

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

—Romans 8: 38-39

I often share a quote I found several years back in a book called Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Naomi Remen, MD. The quote, attributed to the Hebrew Talmud is simple, direct, and profound: “We do not see things as they are; we see them as we are.”

I use the quote to illustrate the difficulty in approaching a topic that, to most people, is reprehensible, distasteful, and uncomfortable. When we approach such difficulties in life, we fall back to ways of seeing and thinking that are often based in erroneous theory. Most of us have preconceptions to confront, and regarding the topic of child sexual abuse, many of these come to the surface. Our role as caring adults is to do all we can to gain an understanding of who predators are, how they act, and most importantly, how we protect children from their grooming tactics to avoid possible sexual abuse. 

To illustrate the point further, let’s think about drawing an apple, for example. If I placed an apple on a table in front of a group of individuals and asked them to draw it, most of the group would likely draw while looking at their papers and paying careful attention to what they were doing. A few people, artistic by nature, would concentrate on looking at the apple and drawing what they actually observe. Most of us would draw the apple from our mind’s eye—from what we think we know. What we really need is to draw what we see, and render the apple on our papers from a clear vantage point and accurate perspective.

This takes practice and viewing things in a way that perhaps calls us to a place that is uncomfortable. By studying, sharing, learning, knowing, and reflecting, this process is one of transformation, growth, and change. This process, one of conversion, allows caring adults to see things how they really are and to own these things in a way which allows them to effectively share with others information about how to best protect children. It is more than dictating and repeating facts and statistics, it is imparting the heart of the problem in a manner that allows each person a key role in embracing the way to a solution.

It is a call to full participation of the Church in the world as ambassadors and evangelizers of a message that is crucial to our belief that God loves us tremendously and wants us to protect each other from any harm that might come our way.

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