| Self Respect |
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| Tending Our Gardens |
By Paul J. Ashton, Psy.D., D.Min.
Consultant to the VIRTUS® Programs
 “'It's a question of discipline,' the little prince told me, later on, ‘when you've finished washing and dressing each morning, you must tend your planet.'"
Summer is upon us and the opportunities for rest, relaxation, and rejuvenation often seem more readily available to our schedules and the harried pace of our lives. It is good to slow down, stop, and to “tend to your own garden.” Although we often long for the “good ‘ole days” of simpler times, it seems that finding time for one’s self has been a problem through the ages. While technology has increased the speed of laundry day, it has also placed a burden upon us to be connected and available at all times. We feel we are missing out if we are not texting, emailing, tweeting, or otherwise surfing the web.
Recently, I watched a family in a restaurant enjoying dinner together. The teenage son and daughter spent most of the time texting on their cell phones. Their younger sibling played a computer game and the parents spent most of the time telling their children to put the phones and game away. Kids text each other across the table and from one room to the next—thus removing them from the face-to-face communication by monopolizing their time. (Yes, “text” is now a verb!) All this of course, is in the face of the always-present question of the need for more and better communication.
The quality of that communication for young people and adults is what remains to be seen. So many parents have told me that they have to “pick and choose their battles carefully.”
Tending to our garden has become a term used to emphasize the importance for each person to find time every day to do the things that are crucial to their wellbeing. Placing the “self” first—and having your first priority be your “self” is not a comfortable place for most parents or other caring adults. Some reflection, however, will quickly lead you to the realization that if you are not well enough, rested enough, energized enough, or prepared enough, you may not be effective for any other responsibility.
The “Little Prince” was correct—it is a matter of discipline. To carve out of our schedules, demanding, as they may be, sufficient time to tend to our “life garden” is crucial. What better time to start that practice than “summertime, when the livin’ is easy?”
Children learn how to navigate through life from their parents. They watch, observe, and pick up cues in so many spoken and unspoken ways. Multitasking is a part of who we are now. We are used to doing many things at once. So why not combine all of this and tend to your garden, while teaching them how to tend to their own and, at the same time, to take care of necessary chores and responsibilities. Fun and education are not mutually exclusive. You can always work in a “tidbit or morsel” and squeeze in a teachable moment—even on a roller coaster ride at a local amusement park! Teaching safety, protecting one’s self, and family rules, can all be highlighted on family outings and trips. Adding a family value by way of explanation is always helpful. For example, when you correct your child in a restaurant by saying “Thank you” to the waitperson when they ask for a refill, you might say afterward, “We are a family who respects people and their work, and we are always polite.”
This gentle reminder about tending your garden is not to add another burden to your already busy life; on the contrary, the intention is to offer different and newer possibilities. Sometimes tending your garden means literally tending to your garden of vegetables, flowers, fruits, or herbs. Other times it means going to the dentist, doctor, therapist, or chiropractor. Sometimes it means eating the proper foods and following a nutritious diet; other times it means sharing a hot fudge sundae with your neighbor. Sometimes tending your garden means doing absolutely nothing and feeling no guilt; other times it means making lists, prioritizing, and organizing. Sometimes it means telling someone you love them; other times it means showing them. Sometimes tending your garden means allowing someone to love you. Sometimes it means being goofy or silly; other times it means to be more prayerful and attentive to the presence of God in all parts of your life.
Tending your garden means respecting yourself first. What and how that plays out is God’s plan for you. When you respect yourself, all other things seem to naturally flow into place—body, mind, and soul become more in tune with self, others, and, most importantly, God. Tending to your own garden is a good place and good space. It is respect for nature and her cues to us on how to live a life of balance—when you reap, sow, and prune.
May you find yourself in the center of your garden often—heed well the words of the Little Prince, “It is a question of discipline.”
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| Last Week's Poll
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Does your family have an established emergency plan?
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Yes
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50.18%
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No
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49.82%
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Total Votes: 1909
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