Grief Touches Grief

Grief is one of life's greatest challenges. It seems that everyone is affected by it at one point or another. The loss of loved ones, health, relationships, jobs, position, power, security and one's voice are just a few of the ways in which grief invades our lives, most times when we least expect it. When we are given notice, and it is expected, we are still stopped in our tracks and often paralyzed due to the powerful and overwhelming flow of emotion. We don't know how to manage the feelings we are experiencing, and the world becomes a dark place to navigate. We should consider, too, the complications of grief that all victims of sexual abuse experience. Most times, this grief is not clearly manifested in ways that are recognizable. Often, the symptoms of grief due abuse are turned inward, and thus are harmful and disordered. Victims suffer much.

Saying a good good-bye is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Addressing grief and loss is different for each person. While there are guideposts that mark the way—anger, negotiation, acceptance—to name a few, the order of how things work is different for each person. When grief and loss are put aside and ignored, and you try to work around it instead of through it, it often results in unresolved feelings which are confusing and isolating. Other losses that spring up in life will be connected to the losses which are unresolved, causing powerful reactions. When you experience loss, the feelings of grief are triggered, and the losses become linked together. It can be overwhelming. 

When grief is unacknowledged, it can be turned into shame, anger and even violence. Accepting loss, looking it straight in the eye and expressing your feelings with abandon is a start. It hurts, and grief was never meant to be carried alone. Rituals, connections, acceptance of offerings of kindness from family and friends are all ways in which you embrace the road that grief has made for you. Crying is crucial. It is healing. Being in the company of people who love you is healing. Talking it out is healing. Burdens shared are burdens lightened. Don't be so strong just for others, be gentle with yourself.





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